The Cuteness

Here is a picture of 2 year old me. Cuteness!

Triggered

Jojo gave me a DVD of Kuh Ledesma's concert "Let's Hear It For Me, Kuh!" and I loved it - it brought me back to those days in early High School. And coincidence of all coincidences (or maybe Kismet?) just as I was starting to watch it, th ephone rang and guess who it was? Kuh's # 1 fan Pipo. So "together" we watched the concert and the funny thing was he knew everything that was going on even though he was 5,000 miles away. Now that's a real fan. But, it was so interesting to watch Kuh duet with a then 9 year old Lea Salonga. And in Kuh's movie they added some of the scenes from this concert as her character's in the movie. It's funny how a small thing like this trigger a lot of memories. 


No Halloween costume this year. I did an elaborate one last year, but just not feeling it this time around. Again, I guess this is the old fogey syndrome all over again. 

"We cannot take this life so seriously, and I mean that seriously. Life is too serious to be take too seriously."

- Sri Sri Sri Spankneesh

Blood Shot

I'm Old Fashioned. That is, when it comes to musicals. Give me the classic melody, the classic orchestration, the wit and candor of a Cole Porter and I am happy. Over the years, I have had a tempestuous relationship with the "rock musical." More often than not, I am underwhelmed. In fact, I may be one of the few people in the world who despised "rent." Yes, you heard it, despised it. And, aside from a pop song from it, or two, I generally was not enamored by "Jesus Christ Superstar." I write this to say that I saw BLOODY BLOODY ANDREW JACKSON with trepidation. I was ready to not like it. A cheap ticket presented itself to me, so I relented.


Well, my instincts were more or less right. I am not going to run up and down for this. However, I will not say that I hated it either. I respected what it is trying to do, and for the most part admired what was going on onstage at The Jacobs Theater. I understand its voice, and the emo style of the msuic is a lot more relatable to me than, say, Cheap Trick. Still, though, I waited and waited for a song that would speak to me, would pull me in, would make me fall in love with the show. I waited in vain, since it never came. Song after song came and I felt....nothing. And for me, that is when a musical is most successful. There's music in the word "musical" after all. 


I do realize there is more to a musical than music. This show boasts a star-making performance by Benjamin Walker. He is a sensation, and I won't be surprised if he gets a nomination, maybe even a win, for this performance. Reportedly, he turned down a role in the X Men prequel to star in this musical. Plus, the book is concise, and there is enough fun in it without making history relatable, even making us understand how it can be current, giving it more weight. And clocking at 95 minutes, the action moves swiftly, not wasting anyone's time. 


I just wished I liked it more. I have old fogey taste. 

Photo with star Benjamin Walker

Hungry Like A Wolf

I have had this book on my pile for the longest time, and recently because the pile tumbled, it went on top. So when I started my "reading challenge," I grabbed it and started reading it. After the first chapter or so, I was hooked. Jillian Medoff writes well - I got into the story right away, and I totally appreciated the mix of tones int he writing - you didn't know if you were reading a comedy or a tragedy. There is a lot of dark humor which I appreciated, hough a bit of it sounded a little but too self-deprecatory. About three quarters in, though, it kind of loses steam. I wish the editors had made some cuts, it kind of felt like the same ending was being repeated, until it got to the happily ever after one. And in this instance, I did appreciate the final bittersweet but mostly joyous epilogue. After what the character went through, I was just a little bit exhausted. The novel gave me insight on anorexia, a debilitating disease that is really not as "understood" as it needs to be. People have their own relationships with food - I know I do - and it is always fascinating to hear stories about people's personal struggles. Apparently this book became a Lifetime movie and I am even curious enough to seek it to see how the story was adapted for television.  
(1)

I Bet Me

Meh. The Project Runway finale this evening - boring, and I found that I really do not care anymore who wins. They made Michael C. the "hero" the whole season only to eliminate him just before the finale. And it would have been fine except the designers who beat him had lackluster collections. And the wretched Gretchen, all smug and entitled-feeling bitch winning the whole thing. It really does seem to be a fix - a woman winning on the Lifetime network! And the judging this time is so horribly fake.  They're lucky I even have it on. And special guest judge - Jessica Freakin' Simpson? Couldn't they get someone more qualified?


One of my favorite places in New York City is The Strand Bookstore, specially the basement where they have galleys and ARC (Advanced Review Copies)  for $1.99.  Basically these are the  books that are sent to newspapers and magazines for review purposes so sometimes they have no covers, or the artwork may not be the same as the final book. They even say that these advanced proofs may not even be finally edited.  When I first started buying them, they were just 49 cents, but inflation inflation inflation.  Anyway, in this section you get to find books that range from current bestsellers to obscure authors that are up and coming. I love discovering writers this way. A lot of times I would choose titles that later become hits. I have not been there in a while only because I have a huge pile of these things, and I really need to speed up on my reading. Today I went, and told myself I will only get three titles. Of course, the most difficult part was editing my pile, and I "compromised" and got five titles. See - I am making a bet with myself that I will finish at least two books a week. I am also challenging myself for that to be the lowball estimate. Ideally, I would want to finish five, but good luck! I will keep everyone informed of my progress (or non, although I don't want that to be the option) 

"Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you. It is meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition."

- Florida Scott-Maxwell

Blossoms Of Snow

Talk about my favorite things! Oprah had the whole freakin' cast of the movie version of "The Sound Of Music" (well, Mary Martin really can't make it so it cannot be the stage version, no?) today and it was appointment television for me. I rushed everything I needed to do so at 4 pm I would be in front of the television. It is such an emotional treat for me. I think I have mentioned before how much I love the movie : it's my introduction to the concept of a "musical" and to this day, I am still an evolving fan of the genre. She had a segment where she was interviewing people who, like me, had emotional connections to the movie. I couldn't help but cry along with these people. I am such a fag, aren't I? And when the real Von Trapp great grandchildren were singing "Eidelweiss," I was weeping uncontrollably. 


Of course, though, the adult in me agrees with a lot of the criticism regarding the movie. Too sentimental and treacly? Yes, for sure. But then again, on a commercial level it needed to be that. (just like an action movie needs the perfunctory car crash) And I also lamented the loss of the two "cynical" Baroness songs from the stage version.  I am not one of its "blind followers." 


Still, just try and take my hand away from the upcoming Blu-Ray release of it. Because if you do, there will be blood.

No one has ever become poor by giving.

~ Anne Frank

A Drop Of Golden Sun

Shouldn't we have turned our clock back already? Is it just me, or does it seem already too late and we have not ended Daylight Savings Time? I feel my body clock so out of whack. I am up late at night, and during the day I feel just "off."  And it's too warm for October, too with today's temperature hovering near 8 degrees. And my allergy has started to attack - I keep on sneezing and sneezing. Or maybe I am just in a bad mood tonight. I need to calm down and just chill before I start watching my beloved Top Chef. 
Think happy thoughts : "The Sound Of Music" is finally coming out on Blu-Ray and I will be there first thing Tuesday to get my copy. It's also my beloved, and one of my favorite movies of all time. I remember watching it incessantly when I was a kid, and to this day I  know all the words to the songs, and can recite dialogue from the film in verbatim. And they are having a reunion tomorrow on Oprah. I usually cannot stand the big O and her God complex, but I will surely tune in tomorrow to watch that. 

"Since everything is a reflection of our minds, everything can be changed by our minds."

- Buddha

Seven Layers

Oh, the one thing I forgot to write when I was reviewing "Little Boy Big Boy" was the fact that a good chunk of the movie was shot in UP Village. Yes, where I grew up. Of course, nothing looks familiar anymore, but there were scenes at the playground, and I do remember the village park pretty well. It's prettier now, of course, but back when I was a kid, it was more or less just a place where kids congregated to play games, and I was one of them. We would all play Chinese garter, or "habulan," or those text games there. We would have spider fights in match boxes. Life seemed so innocent then, and most of my playmates there are Facebook friends still, but it just isn't the same anymore, isn't it?


I woke up this morning with a craving for burritos. All I wanted was the 7 layer burrito from Taco Bell. I even dreamt about it. So of course, I just had to have it. Then I wondered - what are the 7 layers? I guess it is a spinoff of the 7 layer dip, and here is the description of the ingredients, from the Taco Bell website:

A warm, soft flour tortilla wrapped around seasoned rice, hearty beans, a blend of three cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella – crisp shredded lettuce, diced ripe tomatoes, reduced fat sour cream, and chunky guacamole.

"If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive".

- Bhagavad Gita 

Two Faces Of Christmas

I guess it's that time of the year again. The new Christmas recordings have started to come out, and of course I come and report on two of them: Mariah Carey's MERRY CHRISTMAS II YOU, and Shelby Lynnes' MERRY CHRISTMAS. I cannot think of two more distinct albums celebrating the same thing. 


I was prepared to hate Mariah's disc. It's her follow up to her hugely successful Christmas disc, which I read is third only to Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole in sales. I don't remember much about that disc, although I must say that "All I Want For Christmas Is You" has become a latter-day classic - heck, I have even memorized the song. I thought this new one would be as bombastic and over-produced. Well, the verdict is that indeed, it is as colossal in production - does this woman do anything small?  Yet, I found myself responding to it, surprising myself most of all. The album comes in diva stockings, of course: the great voice is as strong as ever. Those waiting for her whistle notes will not be disappointed. It's modern, it's current, and darn it, I found myself groovin' to her hip-hop infused "Here Comes Santa Claus."  It's gospel infused, too, as you can imagine. You could almost see the all-black choir backing her up in "The First Noel/Born Is The King." And there's a great original song there, too. "Christmastime Is In The Air Again" caught me at first note, and no wonder, I just found out that it was produced by Marc Shaiman, 'Hairspray' composer himself, and Bette Midler's frequent collaborator. If only for that song, I will give this album two great thumbs up. I wonder if this album will last the test of time, though. I wonder if I can listen to it five years from now and feel the same way. 

I do know, though, that I will always want to listen to Shelby Lynne's "Merry Christmas," since it is one of the best holiday albums I have heard in a while. Most yuletide discs are basically karaoke records - the singers' voices give it personality, or they don't. Shelby's album sounds like her, for sure, but even the most popular Christmas songs sound like new tunes in her hands. Listen to her Southern-fried version of "White Christmas," and its message has never been more personal. I can imagine Shelby sitting by a bayou on a muggy December night, reminiscing of wintery, snowy days gone by. And while everyone and their mother will out strain their vocal chords shouting "O Holy Night" out with abandon, Shelby takes the quiet route: O night divine, indeed. Its plaintive message almost shocked me. I thought to myself - is this the same song I have been hearing all my life? And her original compositions are fantastic. On "Ain't Nothing Like Christmas," she recreates the atmosphere of a honky tonk bar Christmas party, and "Xmas" is heartbreaking, about someone who sings that Christmas is sad because everyone goes bad. I think she has been on record about having a difficult childhood, and the autobiographical tone of this song strikes a truly melancholy note. 


Ultimately, both albums serve specific Holiday music purposes. Mariah's is a circuit party album. I can imagine playing it while exchanging gifts with friends, with everyone exclaiming, "Girl - just listen to that bitch Mariah hit those notes," as go go boys take their shirts off and everyone is shimmying. It's a fun, fun, bitchfest: slightly tacky, slightly serious, all Mariah. Then after everyone leaves, and the merriment is gone, I will be playing Shelby's album and be on "contemplative" mode. You think about the times, you think about your life, and if there is someone there to hold your hand, you squeeze it back and look into their eyes and smile as you make your way to slumber. 


And then I'll wake up and Christmas will be over. 

Party Planner

 Election season in full blast: I got one fo those cold calls from a candidate's phone bank today. She asked if I had heard of so and so's name, and would I consider voting for her on Election Day. So I play along. I ask a very simple question. What political party des she belong to. I figured if she was a Republican, I would give her a piece of my mind about gay marriage or DADT. The person answers, she is on Column B. I answer back that I do not want to know her column, I want to know her party affiliation. She answers, she is in Ward B. I almost laugh at her ear, but then she does something unexpected: she hangs up the phone. I think it is pretty sad that these volunteers do not even know the party of the candidates they are shilling for. And guess what - she had the audacity to call back! And then she says, "Sorry, I got disconnected, but I found out what party she belongs to: Independent." This thing is now almost a parody, so I did the best thing I could do: I hung up the phone.  

If you go near a tree you will get shade;
if you go near a fire you will be relieved of coldness;
if you go to the river and drink,
your thirst will be quenched;
if you go near God you will get His grace.
~ Kaivalya Navanitam

The Boys Are Back In Town

Maybe I still have Oscar Wilde on my mind that's why I wanted to write about a gay movies I saw recently. It's LITTLE BOY BIG BOY, which is one of Jojo's gifts to me from the Philippines. Just like any modern Filipino movie, there are parts from it that really infuriate me. However, there are a lot of good things about this movie that I thought it was mostly worth my while: i.e. I did not feel like my time was wasted. First of all, the movie was pretty focused: it needed to tell a simple story, and it did, simply. There were no extraneous story lines that distract. A rom-com by heart, I liked that the tone was light. In most Filipino movies, melodrama can be on the overwrought side. There's still a little bit here, but it is tempered comparatively. I seem to be now mostly an outsider to Filipino nowadays, but do I sense a bit of relaxation on gay acceptability? The general attitude here seems to be mostly progressive, and if this movie is a reflection of the now over there, then I say good for them. Are Filipino children really that open-minded about gays? I would tend to think so, because American kids are so blase about these things - only the adults really make a bigger deal out of them.

I wish the acting was stronger. Both Paolo Rivero and Douglas Robinson were adequate, but I still feel a stiffness in their acting, especially in the earlier scenes. The kid, Renz Valero, mostly plays along. I don't know if I completely believed Rivero and Robinson as a gay couple, although the sex scenes try hard to convince me. I struggle with them - they are borderline gratuitous for me. But then again, this may be because I am an old fogey. And I also wish the dialogue was more Tagalog, as I cringe when the actors are trying desperately to have an accent. As with most Filipinos, the focus is more on the accent than the proper pronunciation of the words. I wonder if their performances would have been better if they were able to verbally communicate their dialogues? This movie is a light frothy drink, and I gobbled it up. 

When I Think Of Home

Jojo arrived last night from the Philippines where he took a two week vacation. Look what he got me:

Among other things, he got me this Jingle Extra Hot! from 1985 with Nora Aunor and Sharon Cuntea on the cover. What a classic item now! It's pretty hard to imagine that this magazine is 25 years old, and is part of Pinoy Showbusiness history. And the strangest part is that I kind of remember the magazine. During those years, my mom used to travel home, and they used to send me heaps and heaps of these magazines to remind me of home. Now - they are items that you can buy from antique stores. 

Albert sent me these items - the infamous Folio Magazine, and a Christmas CD. 

But one of the most precious pictures that Jojo sent me is this of him and Buboy. 

"Imagine that every person in the world is enlightened but you.  They are all your teachers, each doing just the right things to help you learn perfect patience, perfect wisdom, perfect compassion."  

- Buddha

London Calling

My allergies are attacking me full-blast right now. Is it the weather, the falling leaves? As I say, even a leaf has a reason for falling....and I have been thinking about London lately. What triggered it first was when I saw "Hereafter," and the movie was partially set in London. One of the characters is a big fan of Charles Dickens, and on a whim decided to take a trip to London to go to the Charles Dickens House/Museum. I thought to myself, that would be an awesome activity to do. Then, I just finished reading the book "One Day," and that, too, was set in London. Aaaargghh - I think the city is sending me a message! I think the last time I was there was in the late 90s, and I have no even been on The Eye yet...so I would say I am due for another visit. London is still one of my favorite cities in the world, and any chance for me to visit would certainly be most welcome. I was speaking with Jeff this evening and he agrees that he is due for a trip there as well, so what do you say? I am claiming this one, for sure: I will be there soon. When London calls, I just gotta answer..YES!


And speaking of... I just started watching WILDE again. It's the 1997 movie which is the biography of Oscar Wilde. I remember vividly seeing this movie years ago, but I think it's so weird that while watching it now on DVD, I scarcely remember anything from it - almost every scene is so new to me, as if I was watching it for the very first time. Is this old age or what? And Jude Law looks so young and fresh here. Remember when he was the next huge thing? 

"He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize."

- Oscar Wilde

One Love

I remember this past summer, everyone and their mother seemed to be reading "One Day," by David Nicholls. I knew it was one of those love stories, but I wasn't rushing to read it. I told myself I would when I found a cheap copy of the book. Then one day I got an email from Amazon saying that the e-Book version was on sale for $6.00 so I said why not. 


The story isn't new. Two people, who obviously are so right for each other, live their lives tip-toeing around having a relationship. But timing is never right, and they move along. If done well, it could be entertainingly maddening, with you screaming to the characters: "Can't you see how much you two are meant to be together?" And, that part of the book is done so well that I did find myself screaming that to the characters. There is much wit in the dialogue that I wanted to read them out aloud. Even though much of the references are British in nature, hey were all accessible that you got them. I found myself rooting for them to be together, cursing their obstacles. I rode the roller coaster ride of their love story. 


But the last eighth of the book was so disappointing. I would have preferred for the tone to be light, but it just turned dark, and I felt blind-sided. I guess that was part of the strategy, but I never want to get built up only to find I have been set up. 


This book is Hollywood ready, and Anne Hathaway has been cast as the female lead, which I think is a great casting choice. It is to be directed by the man behind "An Education," so I hope the tone of the film would be similar to "Love Actually."  I do feel, though, that would be a Nicholas Spark influence somewhere there, though. And that would be not good. But I will hope. They say it springs eternal.

Nippy

It's nippy tonight. Fall is here, and I do like this crisp cold weather. But part of me is getting a tad melancholy, missing the sunny, warmer days. Tomorrow, it's supposed to be sunny, and nice. Mike and I had lunch today at Sammy's, and then we walked around. I finally got the Mayorship at Aedes, and I am so happy I got it - the simplest things in life sometimes makes me happy. Right now, I want to get a new comforter, and I hope to find one tomorrow. I get a new one once a year, and then my older ones I throw away. I get use out of them, so I don't feel like I am wasting. They make them so flimsy nowadays anyway that after three or four washings (and I wash mine a lot) they kind of lose their shape. And I really do not like  down comforters - I find myself getting too warm, too hot after an hour or so. But I do like getting wrapped in them, like a cocoon. Maybe because there's no one for me to cuddle with. It's okay, I am used to it by now. 

Flowers ... are a proud assertion
that a ray of beauty outvalues
all the utilities of the world.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Asian Trail Mix With Michele Obama.

Sometimes you just have weird dreams. And why are they sometimes so vivid? I just woke up, and wanted to write about my dream because it was kind of bizarre. Plus, I know that as minutes pass after you wake up, you forget the dream. My dream had some star power: Michele Obama! Why did she turn up in my dream? It's not like I have been thinking about her.  Anyway, in my dream we were on some kind of event, and we hung out at this tent waiting for someone - and the place was some kind of official-looking building, and I remember some cemented stairs going to...somewhere. It kind of looked like the front of the Metropolitan Museum, but I don't recall it was specifically. And the most interesting part of the dream, we were eating Asian Mix Trail while waiting. You know - the ones with the rice chip, the pea, the carrot thingie. And then, I just woke up, but I can still see the scene, but I wish I remembered what Michele Obama was wearing. I don't. It's just so weird that I dreamt about Michele Obama...

I trust in Nature for the stable laws
Of beauty and utility. Spring shall plant
And Autumn garner to the end of time.

~ Robert Browning

The Women

Sometimes, a star just makes a difference. Or in WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, a sprinkling of major stars seals the whole deal. The first act of this show is almost very good, but the second act (as of the second week of previews, when I saw this performance) is still troubled. It lags there, and becomes just on the north of tedious. But by God, the show is never ever boring. Why? The star wattage on stage at The Belasco is blinding, and the talent on the stage is so overpowering that it blasts any doubt you would otherwise have about any other piece of the production puzzle. 

And Patti Lupone! What a treat to see a living legend. I have more understanding and appreciation of her now after I have read her memoirs. She is not the "star" of the show per se, but in all her numbers, she shines. You cannot take your eyes off her when she is on, and that voice. And she is singing original material, and originating a role on Broadway. That is practically history happening right before your eyes. 

The rest of the stars are just as twinkly: Sherie Rene Scott is a wonder in disarray, and Laura Benanti gives a comedic tour de force.  For my own personal taste, I would just tone her down just a dial, and she would be perfect. And Brian Stokes Mitchell. He is pretty game to be part of such a women ensemble piece, and is pretty sweet in the process. And even Justin Guarini in his Broadway debut is pleasant and doesn't stink up the place. 

The show needs a lot of tightening, and once everyone settles into their roles, it should be fine. Bartlett Sher needs to be more forceful as a director, because I already see some strong characterizations on stage.  At times it gets too "noisy," a little bit like the women on "The View" when they are all talking at the same time. And I understand giving Mr. Stokes-Mitchell songs to be featured in but two? Unfortunately, his numbers do not really forward the story. I have seen a lot of complaints about the set, but I thought they were charming, and in the performance I saw, there weren't any technical problems that I know were plaguing other performances. The whole show, visually, has a very Almodovar feel, and no wonder - he is very involved in the creative process, I read. 

Now I would be very interested in how this show gets reviewed, for it seems to be polarizing people. But for sure, put me in the Like/Love department. 

(with Justin Guarini, after the show)

Did You Wear Purple Today?

I DID

Purple People

Today, everyone was advised to wear purple to raise awareness for all those young gay kids who committed suicide because they were bullied. Bullying - it has been around for the longest time (I myself was a victim of this) and I do not really know if it will ever really go away, but something has to be done so it won't have as tragic income for the youth of today. I wish the answer were as easy as wearing a purple shirt, but it's not. But... I was pleasantly surprised to see a lot of people wearing purple today, though. I looked around at the people in my train car, and I would say at least a quarter of them were wearing purple - whether they mean to do have done it or not. There's this woman who looked at me and smiled - it was a silent recognition of the awareness, I thought. Even Whoopi and Joy on "The View" wore purple, and Kristin Davis celebrated it on her Facebook page. When she got some homophobic comments on her shout-out, she made a statement saying she is blocking anyone who expresses those sentiments on her age. I mean, whatta gal! Makes me really proud to be "Charlotte."

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins."

- Bob Moawad

A Material World

I needed to pee earlier, and the nearest public place I could find was the JC Penney at Manhattan Mall. I never go there - the place is just slightly too "urban" for me, but nature called so I had no other choice. Well, all that I can say is that it was disgusting and offensive. Nah, not the crowd, silly.  What irked me most was the *Christmas* decorations. Seriously, we  have not even finished Halloween yet, never mind Thanksgiving. But yeah, they were all there: Santa Claus, Shiny Red Ribbons, the whole works. It kind of shocked me, actually, but then again, I realize that we do live in very commercial times nowadays. Sd to say, the real meaning of Christmas is all but lost now, replaced by the tradition of giving out these cheap material things, all made in Taiwan. But the rest rooms inside are very convenient, though. 

"The sun never says to the earth,

'You owe me.'

Look what happens with a love like that.

It lights up the whole sky."

- Hafiz,

Our Ever After

I am sure at one point in time, all of us have thought about what would happen to us when we die. Dp we go to heaven, hell, or do we just fester underneath the ground with bugs eating us? Clint Eastwood, at 80 years old, directs his latest movie “Hereafter” with a nod towards towards the after-life. Perhaps with him nearing his twilight years, he has thought about the same things. However, we never really get a real answer from him in this movie. Truly, it doesn’t matter, because he gives us a sentimental movie full of non-sentimentality. 

First of all, I cannot believe the screenplay was written by Peter Morgan, whose work in “The Queen,” and “Frost/Nixon” has impressed me immensely. He is working on a different canvas here, away from the fiction/non-fiction see saw that he has excelled in previously. He weaves three parallel stories all dealing with death and after-death, with all of them interweaving at the end. The ribbon he ties these stories with look a little clumsy, and I do agree it could have been better, but they all still seamlessly tie up all three stories. Matt Damon plays George, a reluctant psychic who looks at his “gift” as a “curse.” He is one of those who can communicate with the dead, but he says “living a life dealing with death is not a life at all.”  I myself believe these people exist. Just like I believe there are people who “see” the dead. Maybe because I truly believe in them that the concept scares me. If I learn, for example, that a certain psychic is pretty good, I would never ever want to meet or have them do me a reading. The unknown petrifies me. But back to the movie. I think I have almost forgotten how Mr. Damon has turned (or has always been?) a fine fine actor. His here is a subtle, melancholy performance that breaks your heart. When his character does a flirtation with a woman he meets at a cooking class, you feel for him, you feel his pain in hoping that he, perhaps finally, can join the ‘normals.’ His story line resonated with me the most. Not that the other two are chopped liver, though. Plots crawl at a maddeningly slow place, but in the end, you realize why: simplicity is never amped up. 

I really liked the movie a lot, although half way through watching it, I didn’t.  The last quarter of the movie shines best - when things come to a head, they just do, tenderly. Well, what do you know, it’s a quiet thing. The music is wonderful: ambient, moody, lyrical. Scenes are filmed with a gauze, life for these isn’t clear and vivid; it’s dark, it’s clouded, it’s spotty. Just like real life.  

Sympathy Technology

The wonders of modern technology never cease to amaze me. As I wrote earlier, my aunt passed away yesterday. The toughest part was telling my father. As much as he wants to be there, he just cannot be. So my cousins did the next best thing - we skyped them at the funeral house. (I cannot believe I just used skype as a verb) They placed the laptop by the coffin, and my father was able to "view" and pray for my aunt instantaneously like he was there. Yes, I know it sounds a little morbid, but...it was pretty effective. My father was able to see her body "in real time." It went a long way in easing the pain of not being there. Technology, it turns out, can even heal broken hearts. 


And there's another typhoon in the Philippines, which is allegedly just as strong as the deadly one that hit them a year ago. I hope Jojo, who is vacationing there right now, doesn't get much affected by the strong rain and howling winds. I saw part of the coverage on TV Patrol, and it is kind of scary, but the last report was saying that it isn't hitting as hard so there's good news there somewhere.

"The night kissed the fading day, with a whisper: "I am death, your mother, From me you will get new birth." 

- Rabindranth Tagore

Kuh At 30

Inspired by this article, I made my own version of my 30 favorite songs by Kuh Ledesma. To celebrate her thirty year anniversary in show business, here's *my* thirty:

1. Dito Ba - I only really appreciated this song much recently, maybe because when it was a hit it was played everywhere. “Kung saan kay lalim ng luha, ligaya’y kay babaw”  That lyric describes perfectly the feeling of sadness - how small things can help you ease the pain, but eternally cannot wipe away your unhappiness. I even think the more recent  Kuh recordings of this song have more texture, enhancing its poignancy.

1. Paano Kita Mapapasasalamatan - Although ultimately this is one of what Streisand calls “dependent victim songs,” it’s such a Pinoy sentiment - you loved me, now what can I do for you. One of the most difficult things sometimes is to just accept love. “Sapat na bang mahalin lang kita magpakailanman pa man.” Kuh sings this with a controlled sentimental style that it never feels cloying.

1. Mayron Sa ‘Yong Nagmamahal - An inspirational song that doesn’t push too hard, and isn’t such a hard sell. When someone feels down and out, it’s essential to have Kuh Ledesma sing to you “Mayroon sa yong nagmamahal, Nakikinig sa yong dasal.” I just realized that this would be a perfect song for the gay youth. When they feel like they are all alone in the world, it is the perfect song that would tell them “It Gets Better!”

1. Sana - I always thought this song was so ahead of its time. It is somewhat of a “story song,” and my favorite line in it has always been “Ang almusal mo sana, ako’ng magaahin, Masarap ba siyang magluto kaysa ‘kin “  There’s longing, but then she confesses that she was the one who left, she was the one who cheated. I mean, at that time, it was such a modern 80s woman kind of song, and Kuh Ledesma typified the Modern 80s woman. It was fabulous!

1. Home - I remember playing this song incessantly. Every morning on my way to school, I would put this song on an infinite loop that our driver got so sick of hearing it.  I thought Kuh was the closest thing I could get to Diana Ross. “A world full of love - like yours, like lime...like home” 

1. Your Song/This One’s For You - Kuh says that people would always request her to sing these songs, and that is just a testament to how beautifully arranged this is. I loved the segue way from one of song to the other, it’s so effortlessly. And maybe the two songs strike a chord with me because both were sung and composed by two iconic gay men. “Like everything else I have, this one’s for you...”

1. Flor De Liza - When George Canseco teams with Kuh, it’s always an artistic win. To some, this is just a theme song for a forgettable film, but Kuh sings the song wth such  bravura that the song lasted better than the movie where it was used. “Flor De Liza sa yong isip at kamusmusan ngayon, di mo mauunawaan ang takbo ng panahon...”

1. Minsan Sa Isang Panahon - If hard-pressed, I always say this is my favorite Kuh song of all time And it is. It’s near perfect. The dramatic arrangement. The dramatic vocals. There is no other singer in the world who can supply just the right pathos for this masterpiece of a song “Nangyari na minsan sa isang panahon, kamatayan man ay di hahadlang”

1. Completely -  This song is from “Tinimbang Ang Langit,” and was perfect for the dramatic arc. “Completely....I am yours my love, completely.” 

1. Pinulot Ka Lang Sa Lupa - Another lesser known theme song, and another Canseco/Ledesma collaboration. I love how the chorus builds to a crescendo to emphasize its insistence. “Pinulot ka lang...pinulot ka lang sa lupa” And that phrase is repeated a lot of times in the song, to great dramatic effect. 

1. Making Love - Another “story song,” which Kuh excels in. One of the great things about Kuh as a singer is you always feel there is a character who tells a story, and that is most evident in this song. “Cause making love is empty, when the feeling’s not there. Love has a price, and money won’t take you there...”

1. Pakiusap - The voice and the guitar. Its simplicity is its beauty. “Pakiusap ko sa yo...kaawaan mo ako.”  Always an alto, but Kuh’s soprano never sounds strained.

1. Kay Ganda Ng Ating Musika - Her version of this song opens her “Ako Ay Pilipino” album and it perfectly frames that gem of a record. You have never heard this song until you have heard Kuh’s slow-burn slightly languid take on it. “Ito ay atin, sariling atin...”

1. Till I Met You - I remember watching the Metro Pop Festival on television and seeing Kuh perform this song for the very first time, and I knew right then and there that it would be a winner. Everything was in synch that night: the arrangement, her vocals, right down to her “bagong paligo” hairstyle. “This feeling seems to grow more every day, I love you more each day”

1.   I Think I’m In Love - There are many songs about heartbreak, but not as many about that moment when you realize that you are in love! Kuh perfectly captures that happy/grateful euphoric feeling in this song. When she sings the lyric “Every single day, every single night, every single moment of my life,” doesn’t her vocal syncopation sound like your heart beat when you are with the person you love ?

1. One More Try - This would be my # 2 favorite song of hers. I love how she seemingly pleads to the one she loves when she is singing this song “Hold my hand, and look straight in my eyes, if we can’t say goodbye, then we’re worth one more try...” In the hands of a lesser singer, it would have been melodramatic, put Kuh throws enough ice on it, that the effect is that achy “guards-up” emotion. No one else can do it that way. No one. 

1. A Song For Isabella - On her Christmas album, this is Kuh’s version of Barbra’s “The Best Gift.”  Maternal gratitude never sounded lovelier. “And through the years, I’ll always be with you, my inspiration for everything I do...”

1. What Matters Most - Take away all the riches and material things, and what matters most in one’s life? Kuh answers your question in this simple paean to the real joys “What matters most in this life isn’t what, but simple things like when one holds your hand...”

1. As Time Goes By - On her standards albums, this one stands out more than the rest.  Kuh intelligently essays the lyric “So take my hand with a fervent prayer, that we may live and we may share..a love affair to remember..”  Don’t you just love how she sings the word remember in the end, extending it to five syllables. 

1. Help Me Forget - When you realize that love has failed (as they sometimes do)  you just get to a point that you are so emotionally exhausted that you can only pray that you forget that person...or do you really? “Maybe we don’t belong...”

1. Feelings - Only the trues of the true singers can transform the sappiest, corniest songs into a wonderment. With John Lesaca on violins, heartache becomes beautiful. “Trying to forget my feelings of love...” 

1.   Nakaraang Pasko - A modern classic. There are only few memorable Tagalog Christmas songs of late, and Kuh gives us one of them. I love the harmony that begins the song. “Isipin mo lang tuwing sasapit ang pasko...”

1. Huwag Masanay Sa Pagmamahal - Kuh sings this song with The Apo, and the best part is when she does her vocal entrance - it’s akin to seeing the Acropolis for the first time. Breathtaking “Bakit parang umaangal ka ngayon, ngayon at nasa yo na ang pagibig ko? “

1. Precious - An under-rated gem from her US debut album. The guitar and that voice. Bliss. “And I will give it to you, all the time...”

1. Ang Ibig Sabihin Nito - She always plays with the classics, and this is an experiment that explodes. She bridges the gap between the old school Filipino songs, and rap. Old and new, it blended so effortlessly. And who says you can’t reinvent the kundiman? 

1. Paano Kaya - Another one of my absolute favorites. Sometimes you realize that you have fallen out of love. How do you tell them? “Paano kaya sasabihin sa yo, na ang pag-ibig ko’y unti unting naglalaho...”

1. Special Memory/Friend Of Mine - A perfect medlette of two of Odette Quesada’s songs. And the vocal arrangement by Babsie Molina (for two voices) is as brilliant, and Kuh - well she just puts more bling on this diamond.

1. Hindi Kita Malimot - I absolutely adore (again, the two-voice version) of this song, and though I love her studio version on her “Duet WIth Me” album, above all when she sang this with Nora Aunor live, the song never bloomed more. 

1. Divas Medley - This ten minute medley with Zsa Zsa Padilla - where they sang each other’s hits - is to die for.  Kuh sings ZsaZsing’s songs with such command, they sound like they are her own’s. Perfect treadmill music.

1. Creepin’  - Ledesma Does Wonder. (In More Ways Than One)

Auntie Fedy

I woke up this morning to some sad news: my Auntie Fedy (my father's sister) passed away Sunday morning manila time. She had breast cancer which spread last year to other organs. I had known that she was at the hospital in critical condition, and I guess it just got worse. My cousin did say that she died peacefully, and that's good to hear. 


I will miss her. There was a time I was pretty close to her when she was here in the US, and she was certainly a character in the best (and sometimes worst) sense of the word. She was also a great cook (a chemist by education) and she made the best kare-kare I have ever tasted. 


Last night, before I slept, I said a prayer for her, not knowing that perhaps at that time she had already passed away. may you rest in peace, Auntie Fedy.

Gentleness: Lord, we remember that when you were on earth you dealt gently with all those who came to you with their needs. You did not judge them or condemn their faults but gently and compassionately listened, and were able to lead them into a new way of living and thinking.

Dear God, help us to be just as gentle with all those we come into contact with today. May we show a spirit of compassion and consideration, particularly to those we find difficult and annoying, remembering that they are all your children and made in your likeness. Perhaps our gentleness will help them to think of you.

'Tis Solstice

I have been sitting on this dilemma on whether to go with my brother on the Solstice Thanksgiving weekend. I had been unsure whether or not it would be wise for me to go as I have other plans swirling in my head. Well, it turns out that a decision was made for me, whether I like it or not. The whole family is now slated to be on the ship from November 21st to November 28th. My brother paid for our whole family to cruise the Western Caribbean that week, and our Thanksgiving Celebration (and my brother's Birthday Celebration) will be on-board. I guess I have no more choice now but to go. It sucks, right? Anyway, I am now very excited to go. I have sailed on the Solstice summer of last year, and she is a wonder, and Celebrity is my favorite line anyway so this should be a smashing time. It has three ports and three days at sea, which is a great mix of ports and relaxation. Plus the ports are great, so I have no complaints (as if I had any!) I am officially stoked. 


Plus, I checked on the Cruise Critic boards and there are even some "family" going - a couple from Wilton manor, and a group of six from Dallas have posted saying they will be on-board. So this is sounding even better by the minute. I have been so used to go on gay cruises that I have now almost forgotten what a "regular" cruise feels like. I hope to at least meet them so I will not feel so alone when I am "stuck" there on my own. 

"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot."

- D. H. Lawrence

Wee Small Hour Frame Of Mind

It's two o'clock in the morning and I cannot sleep. I am not even sleepy, and I was up the whole day. I was even up early, because the phone was ringing and I picked it up. This Comcast phone is really annoying. I never give this phone number out to anyone (I even have to think about the number since I do not have it memorized) yet I get all kinds of call on it, and I think it is because Comcast sells the number to solicitors. I get sales calls from newspapers, magazine, surveys. I have asked them over and over to take my number off their lists. It has come to a point now that when they ask for any name, I just automatically tell them they have got the wrong number. I cannot believe I am venting in the wee small hours of the morning. 


The Chilean Miners. I was away on vacation when they got trapped, and since I never followed the story, I find myself apathetic about their rescue. I mean, I am glad and all that they are alive, but I just never found myself waiting in vain in front of the television set for their rescue.

I am still mighty pissed that I got ousted as Mayor of Sammy's (on Foursquare)

"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise."

- Oscar Wilde

It's All About The Wind

My landline gets so much "spam"- all kinds of solicitation and survey calls that half the time when I do not know the number on the caller ID I don't pick up the calls. Yesterday, I got a call with id "Jersey City Government" so I thought it would be important and answered - it was the city government warning that a Nor'Easter was coming. It sounded like the second coming was upon us: rains, winds, howling, everything. So I was kind of expecting the worst - the city government called, after all! And it rained last night, though I wouldn't call it torrential. Growing up in the Philippines, I know what typhoon rain is like. And when I wake up this morning, there was even...SUN! Where is this Nor-Easter that everyone seems to be hyping about? Well, it turns out it's all about the wind. 30-50 mph winds that could be debilitating. Plus, it could get cold. Just right now, I just shut the window, and I feel just a little bit of chill. 

"Your imagination is more real that then the world you see, because the world you see comes from what you imagine and believe! What you believe and feel to be true is what will be your life."

- Rhonda Byrne

As Life Smiles

I woke up today feeling down. There really wasn't any new specific reason why I did, it just was one of those things. When this happens,  I just make sure I go out there, walk around (they say walking is the best therapy) and just...be! I had no specific destination in mind, I just went where the road led...and it led me to watch a movie, and I saw LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. 


Yes, I read the pans for this movie, but I had a feeling about it, because it was directed by Greg Berlanti, and he is the show runner for "Brothers And Sisters," so I had a gut that it couldn't be that bad. Well, my hunch was right. I left the theater smiling, an almost 180 from my mood when I entered, so for that reason alone, I would consider it worthy. 

Mind you, it isn't Citizen Kane, but I don't think it was envisioning itself to be. The sight gags are all as ludicrous as the premise, but somehow I got carried by its sunny disposition. I know she is polarizing, but I really have no problems with Katherine Heigl. She is an effective comedienne, and for me she never appears forced. Even in the dramatic scenes, she is believable. I think  she would actually be a very effective dramatic actress. Josh Duhamel is not the most instinctive actor, but here he is directed to be just charming, and in that manner he is effective. (I think I have complained about him as an actor before) And he is great eye candy on the screen, so I would never say my time is wasted when I am watching him. I have had worse times watching "better" movies. Even the starting of the rain that greeted me after I left the theater couldn't mar my sunny disposition. This movie made me happier, and for now that's the end of its story.