Crowne Jewels In Search Of A Movie

Sometimes it sucks being "different." It's Summer, and I am really not interested in the Summer Blockbusters. Transformers don't titilate me, I thought X-Men was a porn flick , and I presumed The Green Lantern was something you put out on your porch during the Christmas season. So I am left with something like "Larry Crowne," which is a romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. At first, the idea was kind fo appealing: an adult romantic story starring real adults. 


But this romantic comedy was neither romantic nor comedic. Both Hanks and Julia are game, and they show up ready...but they and their personas are bigger than this movie. They eat it up, and the movie is too.. nothing. It's akin to the King and Queen showing up to a party, and they are serving watermelon seeds. It's such a waste of star wattage.  Plus, the two movie stars have zilch chemistry. When they kiss, you can feel that they are awkward and having a "are-we-really-doing-this" kind of moment, as they almost roll their eyes.  The whole time, I kept on thinking, they must be really great friends for Julia to agree to star in this, and I wonder if Hanks paid her usual rate. This movie would be good for 100 minutes of airconditioning on a hot summer day, but, frankly, not much more than that. Maybe I should rethink my apathy for Harry Potter. 

In The Name Of Trite

Tonight I went to see "In The Name Of Love" at The Sahara ... and a big yawn. What a disappointment, since I have heard numerous (positive) comments about the movie. What a predictable, trite, and tired excuse of a movie. I wouldn't say that I love every single Star Cinema movie out there, but a good number of them are pretty enjoyable. This one just annoyed me. To top things, off, there was absolutely zilch chemistry between Aga Muhlach and Angel Locsin. They are competent actors, for sure, and they try hard, but they just could not overcome the tired material, plus their age gap didn't help. There were a lot of times that I felt Ms. Locsin disconnected herself from the role, to give way for Mr. Muhlach to have "moments."  After a while, his woe-is-me acting got tiresome. I kept rolling my eyes from the predictable plot "twists" and the unbelievably lame ending.(How can filmmakers still get away from such incredulity?)  And to think we kind of went out of our way to see the movie. I should have just stayed home. 

Shame On Me

I wish I could be more generous about "The Hangover Part 2," but I really despised this movie. And not because it is crude and vulgar - okay, I get what it is trying to do in terms of its "shock value." I am by no means a prude, and I accepted the raunchy jokes. My main problem with the movie is that I never believed a single frame of it. I thought the writing was lazy, relying on raunch in exchange of a believe plot. This movie is based on a template, not a story. It insultingly mirrors the framework of the same movie, it's as if they were too scared to deviate from the formula for fear it will lose even an iota of its audience. I am not going to pretend and say I am part of the target market of this movie. Still, I came into the movie theater expecting some kind of entertainment, and sadly, never got it. Maybe because I just thoroughly dislike Zach Galifanakis, and I felt that way about him too in "Due Date," which I couldn't finish. I thought maybe Bradley Cooper's piercing blue eyes would keep me entertained, but even that couldn't keep my interest. Above all, I just could not tolerate the blatant homophobia of this movie. It was evident, too, in the first one, and you know what they say about fool me twice, shame on me. This movie made 137 Million Dollars over the Holiday Weekend, so I am petrified about the effect it has on the hate it spews on its target audience. On my way out, a teenage group of guys were talking about it, and apparently shared my dislike of the film, with one of the young boys even saying "It was just not believable." I hope he shares that sentiment with the rest of his peers. 

I'm Thor-Ry

I wish I could say I could write an intelligent discourse on the movie "Thor," which I saw tonight. It was the first time I have ever seen a movie on 3D, which I guess gives you an idea about what kind of movies I watch. The visuals astounded me, for sure, but the sun shining everyday astounds me, too. Chris Hemsworth's abs astounded me, Natalie Portman's overacting astounded me. But the whole movie? Meh. I wish I could say why, but perhaps it all boils down to what interests me. I found it bereft of real human emotions. As we were leaving, a man was exclaiming, "There weren't enough action scenes," and I don't think adding more would have endeared it to me. I sometimes wish I coud say I hated the movie, but it didn't move me enough to hate it. So again, meh. I'm Thor-ry.

Love, Steal, Borrow.

I have this irrational dislike for Kate Hudson. I don't know why, I just do. Even in movies where she shines, like "Nine, " for example, her presence in it mars my enjoyment. When I saw the trailer for "Something Borrowed" a while back,  I shook my head when I saw her in it. I know the movie was adapted from a chick lit best seller, and I honestly thought I had read the book. (I realize today that I had not) Thank God for Ginnifer Goodwin. She is an amazing actress, one who could recite the doctrines of the Taliban and can make you believe. She, and her character Rachel, is the heart and soul of the movie and I instantly related. From then on, I was on the bus with her. I know critics have mostly eviscerated the movie but as with any rom-com, all you need to do is believe in a modern fairy tale. This is one, of course. If you have ever been in love with someone you thought you couldn't have, then this movie would pierce your heart. And since Kate Hudson's character was written as unsympathetic (sometimes too cardboard-like) I even enjoyed her here. Colin Egglesfield is fantastic eye candy and an adequate actor, but John Kosinski nearly steals the film from Goodwin. As the wise-cracking sidekick, he is given lots of target, and shoots with precision. But again, I can't imagine this character now as someone other than Goodwin, and I am now determined to read the novel, with her in my imagination. Maybe the book will make me cry and feel like falling in love again, just like what the movie did to me. 

Love Is A Circus

After seeing "Water For Elephants," my first thought was: I finally understood the allure of Robert Pattinson. Try as I might, I never really "got" the Twilight series, as well as the Edward Cullen appeal, but in this movie make no mistake about it: he is a full fledged leading man. He has a screen presence that glows, he is handsome as handsome can be, sexy and imposing. You cannot take your eyes off him he is on screen, and you feel what he feels, as he gives a magnetic performance. Based on the best selling book by Sara Gruen, this movie is old-fashioned. And why not? There are no bombs, no aliens, no superheroes in this movie, but there's plentiful of emotions, ans an honest-to-goodness story. Remember those?  I have not read the book so I don't know how faithful it is to the novel, but what is in here (written by Richard LaGravenese, who also adapted "The Bridges Of Madison County") is epic in context. Set in the 1930's circus scene, it is more than a love story, although love and its consequences drives the whole plot. I didn't even mind Reese Witherspoon, an actress I have very little fondness for. Everyone is raving about Christopher Waltz's performance, and it is good. Since his character is written like a cardboard, one can appreciate how it's almost human-like in his hands. But again, I think this is Pattinson's movie. I fell for him here, and nowadays that's a very difficult thing to accomplish. 

There's A Catch

I didn't have high hopes going into "Catch Me...I'm In Love" (um, what exactly does this phrase mean?) because I am not really a Sarah Geronimo fan. Even though I enjoyed her two earlier movies, I don't enjoy anything else she does. I find her a middling singer with no originality, for example. But hey, since I have no life and nothing else planned on a Saturday night and some people asked me to go see this movie with them, I said what the hell. So, I enjoyed myself watching the movie, and now about half an hour after watching, I have almost forgotten about it. Sarah Geronimo has fans, for sure: the movie theater was jampacked. But she has been doing the exact same role for the third time now that I suspect even her most devoted fans have started to tire of it. She is effective enough, thanks to the magic of movies. Gerald Anderson I have always found to be a sensitive actor, and in here he has a role that he can do with half his eyes closed.  Sadly, he and Sarah have the chemistry of a wet noodle. They get by their own charisma but you never ever believe that they are together. And it is sad that someone like Christopher de Leon has such a thankless role. And just as an observation: why do all these actresses wear foundation that is three shades lighter than their normal skin tones? It is distracting me to pieces. I guess this shows that not much else goes on in the movie. And Garry Marshall should really sue because a scene from "Pretty Woman" is blatantly stolen by the makers of this movie. 

Four Is A Lonely Number

Up until very recently, I never thought I would go to the theater to watch a movie like "I Am Number Four." But there I was, on a Saturday night even, sitting, waiting, watching. But you know what? I kind of enjoyed myself. It is crap, for sure, but there was just enough eye candy for me for it to not totally be a total waste of time (just a marginal one)  Alex Pettyfer is just exactly my type, it seems, because I couldn't get my eyes off him, and he is not even charismatic. As BSB would sing, "it's purely physical."  I won't even try to explain the preposterous premise, or the general sophomoric acting. I think most critics have covered that part of the equation. For me, it was all candy: eye candy. 

I Know You, You Know Me

Liam Neeson said in an interview that in order to distract himself from the pain of losing his wife Natasha Richardson in a skiing accident, he immersed himself in work, presumably filming "Unknown." Mr. Neeson has of late been taking a lot more action roles,  and in turn he has turned into a more thinking man's, low-key hero. In this movie, I noticed that I have stopped noticing that he is so handsome. Indeed, he is one of those actors who seem to be getting better-looking with age. But why am I mentioning that? Maybe because now, about two hours after I finished seeing the movie, I barely remember it. It wasn't a bad time, but I can't say that it was memorable time either. It's, for me, a kind of generic mistaken-identity action thriller, and there were times I found myself rolling my eyes at how I am suspending my disbelief. But I won't begrudge the film for that, since I use the same suspension for my beloved romantic comedies. In the end, like Mr. Neeson, I saw the movie to distract myself, de-stressing from current actions in my life. Sometimes, a film just doesn't move me in any way, it just...is. 

I'll String Along With You

This was one of those movies whose trailer I saw incessantly, and at some point my interest in it almost got so saturated. I was even telling myself that I should probably skip this one and wait for it to go on video. But I did see it, and I was glad I did. It's a cute movie, despite its marketing content. I have read a lot of comments about it resuscitating the flailing rom-com genre. I think I may have even said once or twice that these type of movies have stopped appealing to me. And I even thought it was me. Now I realized that the right material can touch. "No Strings Attached" certainly did me in. Directed by Ivan Reitman, the movie even shows glimpses of smart.  The screenplay has a lot of wit, and it has just a little bit to say: that even if we put all our guards up to escape from hurt, sometimes doing that will cause more hurt. Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher give google eyes and pouty pusses, and they are adorable. But I still don't know if I am truly impressed by Portman's acting. I thought she was a little annoying, but then again her character is written as such, so I don't know if that makes her a good actress. Kutcher is appealing and handsome in a puppy dog kind of way, and you know how I am a sucker for those. I am not totally convinced by their chemistry, but it's not nauseating. I am glad this movie brought a little bit of warmth in a cold winter night - strings attached. 

Love, Me? Yeah Right.

I still have a bitter taste in my mouth from the "Tanging Ina" movie, so I took my time watching "My Amnesia Girl," although friends have praised it to high heavens. Well, I regret now in my procrastination in seeing it, because, for my money, this was the most romantic movie I have seen in a long time. Yes, I used superlatives. 


Make no mistake, it's a formula movie. Director Cathy Garcia Molina can probably do these movies in her sleep. And her mannerisms show: there's always a scene in the rain, there's always a pivotal birthday party, there are always sidekicks. But something sparkled here - this movie doesn't want to take itself too seriously, and in the end we got a most seriously light and frothy concoction that is just perfect. At first glance, you would think there would be nil chemistry between John Lloyd Cruz and Toni Gonzaga, but these are two of the best younger actors around, and darn it if they try every trick in the book to make their tandem spark.  They are perfect together. I have always had a fondness for Ms. Gonzaga for I think she is one of the most instinctive comedic actresses around. That Mr. Cruz is good is a given, but he has so much fun in his role you can't help but share in the gaiety. There is a part of me that thought the two characters may never be a couple - they are both too free and fancy - but all we need is a wink from him, and a guffaw from her, and we are instantly sold. 


I felt like a fool laughing and crying along. I have been pretty jaded lately, but I must confess this movie got me. I found myself feeling like I was in love. I very rarely get this nowadays, and I was damning this movie for making me go there. Just for that alone, I give this movie the highest grade I can. 

The Only Mom

My cousin Wennie told me she was getting a little depressed and she asked me to accompany her watching a movie - "Ang Tanging Ina Mo (Last Na To)" - because she said she wanted to see something funny. I made an internal grunt, since I have never been a fan of this series, but I wanted to be a good cousin so I went anyway. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I really have not seen any of the earlier movies, and hoped the plot points would not rely on them.


Well, this movie won "Best Picture" at the recently concluded Metro Manila Film Festival, and I shudder to think that the quality of the family movies have sunk this low. It's a holiday movie, for sure, but the director has substituted quantity for quality in this movie. He has thrown everything in it, kitchen sink and all. For me, it is one big hot mess. But, it wasn't that bad of an experience. A lot of the topical jokes fly over me, and let's just be frank about it, I am not really the target market for this movie, because I am not a fan of Ai Ai De Las Alas. If this movie is truly the best they coud offer, then shame on you, Philippines. 


Ms. De Las Alas, as a comedienne, employs a style that for me is so exhausting. She tries hard, really really hard, to deliver what she needs to. Almost all of the time it goes to overkill. I don't think she has ever heard the word "subtle" in her life. Her screams have more decibles,  her outstretched arms cross channels, her mouth as big as its ocean. It takes every inch of my energy, and by the time the movie is over, I felt like I needed two days of sleep. It doesn't help that the movie is framed by a reed thin plot line that can barely hold one of her teeth. Honestly, I should give them props for daring to make a movie out of the hodge podge of scenes they shot - it literally looks like they shot all of it in a day. As her side kick, Eugene Domingo is a more intelligent actress, and steals some scenes from Ms. De Las Alas, but they come few and far between. I truly hope this is really the last of the series, but then again, I don't give a fuck. 

Like Grits

I have never been a fan of Westerns. Maybe because I am too fey for it? I, also, have never been a fan of the Coen Brothers' movies. Something about their wit is so pretentious for my tastes that I just don't get them. I respect them and the people who stand by their work, but I have tried and tried, and can only shrug and say, "not for me." So I do not know why I sat through 100 or so minutes of their remake of "True Grit."  I did not enjoy any minute of it. Well, that may be a bit of a stretch: I liked the Iris DeMent song that was played over the closing titles. 


Hailee Steinfeld plays Mattie Ross, who hires Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) to avenge the death of her father. I know some people have raised 14 year old Ms. Steinfeld to high heavens, but he just did not do it for me. Her performance, for me, was akin to a 14 year old playing dress up as a cowgirl. I never believed it. Since this movie is doing so well, a lot of people are betting that she wins the Supporting Actress Oscar, and I hope not. For her to beat Melissa Leo would be unthinkable. But back to the movie, I also think Jeff Bridges gives one of the worst performances of 2010. You can barely understand a word he is saying between the grumps and mumblings. That's pretty weird considering a lot of people commend the Coens for the wit of their screenplay. How will we hear it when it is mumbled? 


So call me grumpy, call me fairy. This just doesn't work for me. "True Grits," for me is like eating grits" rough and tasteless. 

Broken Marriage

Love hurts.  The same love that once made you so happy can hurt you, and can break your marriage. That seems to be the lesson to be taken from BLUE VALENTINE. This film is a portrait of a marriage gone awry, and for my money, the most romantic movie of 2010. But beware, though: it is also the most painful movie to watch - we can easily watch buildings crumble, or for that matter, for the word to end, but witnessing how love is broken down? It tore me apart. 


Above all, I will never forget this movie for two reasons: Michele Williams and Ryan Gosling. They deliver what to me are the most honest performances in film on any given year. It is one thing to convey pain, but it is more difficult to essay happiness. Their chemistry is so palpable it explodes in front of your eyes, so when you see them part ways, you are scarred for life. You realize that even though on paper they seem to be the perfect match, the things that brought them together - innocence, spontaneity, recklessness - are the same things that destroyed them. In one pivotal scene, I found myself helplessly sobbing. I can't remember the last time I got so attached to characters on screen, and up to now find myself still thinking about them. This movie is more character study than plot, but boy do these characters make a lasting impression. You'll never forget them. 

On Second Thought

When I see a movie in the cinemas, it is very rare for me to see it again on video. I always say, there are always other titles out there to see and explore. However, last week I was read an interview with Patricia Clarkson and the interviewer was telling her how she should be a major Oscar contender for her performance in "Cairo Time," and she laughed it off. I was struck then about how true that is - that she should be one of the frontrunners in the Lead Actress category. If it was a bigger movie supported by a major studio, she would be a shoo-in. Well, that gave me the inspiration to Netflix the movie, and yes I am just as amazed by her performance. What a quiet introspective film, and she anchors the whole movie. In a lot of ways, I felt like I was seeing a reality series, for not even a minute did I see that Ms. Clarkson was a character on screen: she moved, walked, and acted so real. Now when people ask me for renting recommendations, I will always suggest this first.


I read my January Horoscope from Susan Miller and it promises all sorts fo wonderful things for the month of January.  Oh, if only... 

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

- Stephan Hoeller

Swan Like

It took me a while to finally see "Black Swan," and I think it's because I initially thought it was a horror movie. Then Pipo told me it is nowhere near one, it's mostly a psychological thriller. But the thriller side still threw me off, and I procrastinated...and procrastinated. Well, after I finally saw the movie, I thought my fear was all for naught. It's psychological, all right, but I wouldn't consider it a thriller. I liked it - a lot - but I would be the first to say that I don't think it's as good a film as some people say it is.


First of all, I think it's the campiest movie I have seen in a long time. I would go out on a limb and say that maybe Darren Aronofsky didn't mean for it to be, but what do I know? It has all the makings of a gay camp classic : ballet, backstabbing, alternate in the wings, musical numbers, cunnulingus. And the acting is spectacular camp as well. I thought Winona Ryder as a ballerina has-been was perfect, if cruel. Barbara Hershey has been talked of a possible Oscar contender, and Mila Kunis steals every scene she is in, and this is a tough act since Natalie Portman *owns* the movie. Why do I think so? Because she has a sense of elegance that rises above all the cliches and over the top aspects of the film. At times, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, with my hands over my mouth thinking "Is this for real?" But it is, Virginia, it is, and it is delicious. I see a lot of comparisons to Aronofsky's movie from last year "The Wrestler," that which of a main character mutilating their bodies for the sake of art. One would argue, then that this movie is a derivative of that. It could be, for sure, but this is just a little bit more sinful, so much so in fact that one really can't take it too seriously. Or maybe that's just *my* problem with it? Perhaps. I have heard some people say that this movie is reminiscent of "Carrie," or "Showgirls," even "All About Eve." I think it's much more than that: this film is certainly braver, and I must say that it is visually stunning. But also, it is also no more than those movies.

There's A Placed Call Somewhere

I bet you that somewhere after the first half hour of "Somewhere," the viewer will be either irritated, or fascinated. I admit, it might test your patience. Scenes start and scenes end, and you don't know where they are going, or if the sum of them will really mean to anything. But as you watch, you get more and more sucked into the world it creates, and when you finish the movie, you are forever touched by it. Yes, it does so in a somewhat difficult and oblique way, but that is also its main strength. It's like going on a journey and asking "where are we going," but when you get to your there, you marvel at the destination.


I now really admire Sophia Coppola. I liked even what critics perceive as her weaker efforts, like the Marie Antoinette movie. This movie may not be as expansive as "Lost in Translation," but it is no less profound. We follow Johnny Marco, played with smoldering intensity by Stephen Dorff ,a movie star, going in circles with his life. As he is forced to take care of his 11 year old daughter (Elle Fanning) we see him go through some kind of transition. But we see it abstractly - it's not pointed out - we don't see exactly where he is headed. He is just headed "somewhere." The role is played to perfection, with a mixture of boredom and professionalism by Mr. Dorff. And a star is born with Elle Fanning: her wide-eyed glance is smart and tentative. We think she is playing the mother to his father, but we realize later on it's not what it seems. There is a brilliant scene where the young Ms. Fanning starts crying inside a car  while Mr. Dorff is driving, and the two actors play that scene to perfection, both with astounding authentic vulnerability that is both similar in thought, but distinct in execution. I am still haunted by it. 


I truly hope this film gets some attention. It has been ignored by award-giving bodies, but I hope the Academy will at the very least consider the performances. 

Reese's Pieces

I really dislike Reese Witherspoon. She gives such joyless performance that I always think, if she seems to be veyr unhappy playing her role, then why should I even bother with her?  I kind of knew I wouldn't like her in "How Do You Know," and I frankly don't even know why I saw this movie. I guess I was bored, and the screening time matched my schedule so I tried my luck. Besides, it also stars Paul Rudd, who is easy on the eyes. How bad could it be?  Well, pretty bad, it turns out. I think I would put this film as one of the worst movies I have seen this year. 


The story is pretty formulaic, girl chooses from good boy vs. better boy, and if the screenplay was more robust, and the acting was more charming, it would have been passable. But my main problem lies with Reese herself - she just comes off annoying, and feeling entitled that I did not really care for her character even a tiny bit. Owen Wilson has the more showy role - he gets the better lines - but his blonde carefree boy routine has gotten tiresome, for me at least. And Paul Rudd does try hard, even incorporating slapstick, but his performance falls flat, probably by osmosis. Even Jack Nicholson seems bored by the whole proceedings - it seems like all his scenes were done in a day. It's too long, too, clocking in at more than two hours. I can think of a dozen things I could have done instead of sitting through this movie. I heard Reese got 15 Million to star in this, and unfortunately it did not open well. I hope producers now realize she is not worth the money. Maybe, if I am lucky, she will just go away. 

Heartache Heartbreak

Sometimes you just get hit.  I found myself enthralled by "Till My Heartaches End" when I saw it. The film is nothing special, your typical Star Cinema glossy melodrama, but something in it just touched me. Maybe its really Kim and Gerald's acting - they definitely have improved (especially Gerald) but maybe it stirred up a memory or two in my life. Its basic message is that loving too much is never enough, loving less will be just right. I definitely agree with that. Loving too much is not loving yourself, and when you don't love yourself you can NEVER love somebody else. I know, it's a cliche after a cliche, but I really do believe it. Back to the movie, I loved the open-ended ending, too, although I would think that it was as satisfying for their diehard fans. Could this really be the last Kimerald movie for now? If so, it's a fitting first act finale for their teamup. They will only get better. Speaking with a critical mind, I may not have been jumping up and down with gaiety, but speaking as a hopeless romantic, I was in ecstasy. 

Love Among The Ruined

It took a very long time for "I Love You Phillip Morris" to have theatrical distribution here in the US, and that is a shame because now that it is finally here, the whole film (and the idea of this film) pretty much seems like an afterthought. Starring Jim Carrey, i could see why this film appealed to him: His character, Steven Russell, is bigger than life, and with Jim Carey's manic performance he is even bigger than the biggest bigger than life character you can dream of. The movie treats him that way also. There is a preface in the film that says "this really happened," and slowly and surely you wonder, "did this really happen?" because some parts of the story are so incredulous. Apparently some parts are fictionalized - I would love to know which are - but for the most part the idea of this character is apparently very true. (The character was only even more endearing for me when it was said that he was an embarrassment for then Governor George W. Bush)


I know of a lot of people who despise Jim Carrey, and he won't win new fans here with his performance. There were times that I thought he was essaying his role as The Mask.  But I do wonder if maybe this exaggeration is just the right performance for this black comedy. Ewan McGregor is a lot more tempered down, but it's still a showy performance for him. I think they are a perfect match here, and their scene played out to Johnny Mathis' "Chances Are" is probably one of the most romantic scenes I have scene in a movie this year. The movie isn't perfect, but it has such a manic charm that will get you hooked, and I wish it gains a cult following on video. It should only attract all the wrong audiences.