I Get So Emotional

Watching the Tonys became a weep-o-rama for me. Emotional. I think it's because I have such love for the New York Theater community, and also because the whole award show reminded me of the life I led behind - a life I nurtured for 27 years, and now I am here and I cannot even watch the Tonys live as it is happening at the Beacon. maybe because there are times I question my choices, even if I know that I made the best decision I can with the time and circumstance I have dealt with. For the most part, I am happy and contented but there are times when I feel I don' own my life, and maybe the Tony Awards brings me back to a time when I was younger, more free, where decisions were made without major consequences pro and con.... Or maybe I just weep because it was one of the best Tony telecasts I have seen in a long time, and Neil Patrick Harris outdid himself as a host. And maybe because I think this is such a stellar season for shows, where even productions and performances not nominated were just as great. I become so wistful sometimes, I become overly sentimental a lot, but as I grow older, I think I have become better at letting go. When I wake up tomorrow living my new life, my old one, and this reminiscence of it will just be a memory.

"Make more decisions in every day. Because a decision is a summoning of life. That's why a little chaos is good for you, because often you don't make a decision until you get yourself in a jam. And then, in the middle of the jam, you make a decision, but that decision summons Life Force. Have you ever been a place where you couldn't quite make up your mind and you just felt sort of limp? "Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know." And then you decided, and you felt alive again. We want you to know that you'll never get it done. So don't approach this from, "I gotta get on this" because you're not ever going to get it done, anyway. And the other thing we want you to know is, you cannot get it wrong. So, make a decision. Let it flow."

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

Wise

It's been a tiring weekend. My nieces are in town and I have been doing things with them. I am too old for this going out every day thing, even if just to eat out. Yesterday, we spent the whole day at the mall. We went to The Fashion Show Mall, and it is my first time there. and I like it a lot. But I think I have turned into the type of person who knows what he likes, and just zips in and out of stores, for the concept of going in and out of stores just browsing is so boring for me. And I ask myself, when did I turn out to be this kind of person? I used to love shopping! It's funny, for the first time in my life I was called a spendthrift, when in the past I was always the one who spent too much money on shopping. I guess I have become what you call a wise shopper. Ever since I went through the big move and saw all the crap I bought, I now ask myself ten times - is this worth my space - before I buy anything. We were at Bath & Body Works and they were having their clearance sale, and I only bought the 75% off things. I didn't even look at the half-off or other things on sale  just the real dirt-cheap stuff. The best part of the day, though, was discovering the tastes of my nieces - oh this one is the sporty one, this one is the girly girl one - and it does seem like some stuff is genetic. I see my brother's mannerisms in them, and in some instances even mine. 

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry,
the philosophy which does not laugh,
and the greatness which does not bow before children.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Just Visiting

What You Believe

I was just in the middle of watching "The Dilemma," and I was thinking - this has go tot be a bunch of the most unlikeable characters put on film when the screen just froze. I tried rewinding, fast forwarding, even ejecting and reloading the Blu-Ray disc but at 1:15:55 the screen just freezes, so I just ejected it. Maybe this is the Universe's way of telling me that I should not finish watching movies I do not like, a lot of times the anal retentive in me wins out. Besides, this is the movie that caused a ruckus because of its homophobic trailer, and it got on Anderson Cooper's nerves, if I recall correctly. So maybe it's just as well. Speaking of everyone up in arms, Tracy Morgan's homophobic routine in Nashville has caused a firestorm of protests, and Tracy had to apologize after organizations called for a boycott of 30 Rock. Tina Fey herself has apologized and she says that she will make sure any kind of hatred isn't tolerated on her set.  Some people want more - what else can they do? I don't really know how to react because there's a big part of me that is apathetic towards this whole thing. It's not that I am being sensitive, but I do believe that things will all turn out for the best, and sooner or later, people will not choose hate over what is right. 

One must learn to be silent
just as one must learn to talk.
~ Victoria Wolff

In The Name Of Trite

Tonight I went to see "In The Name Of Love" at The Sahara ... and a big yawn. What a disappointment, since I have heard numerous (positive) comments about the movie. What a predictable, trite, and tired excuse of a movie. I wouldn't say that I love every single Star Cinema movie out there, but a good number of them are pretty enjoyable. This one just annoyed me. To top things, off, there was absolutely zilch chemistry between Aga Muhlach and Angel Locsin. They are competent actors, for sure, and they try hard, but they just could not overcome the tired material, plus their age gap didn't help. There were a lot of times that I felt Ms. Locsin disconnected herself from the role, to give way for Mr. Muhlach to have "moments."  After a while, his woe-is-me acting got tiresome. I kept rolling my eyes from the predictable plot "twists" and the unbelievably lame ending.(How can filmmakers still get away from such incredulity?)  And to think we kind of went out of our way to see the movie. I should have just stayed home. 

HHH

If there is one thing I absolutely do not miss from back East, it's the triple Hs: hazy, hot, and humid. I am watching the news and they are reporting that over there it will be over the hundreds with killer humidity. I can just imagine it, and I detested that so much - the humidity just sucks the energy out of you, and you feel woozy. I usually do not watch the network morning shows, opting for the local one but I just had to peek today to see what the NYC weather was like (triple Hs confirmed) and also to see Ann Curry's first day -  she has a kind of cooky character that I like. I had an ok sleep last night (out by 12:30, woke up at around 7ish) but I wonder what time I will hit my pillow this evening. 

Humility, forgiveness, clarity of purpose
and choosing love as a first response -
these are the dynamics of true freedom in life.
~ Michael Rawls

The 2007 Wiener

I have this picture of Congressman Wiener in my Flickr Photostream from the 2007 Pride Parade, and I just found out it has been getting massive hits since his "scandal" broke out. Today alone it got around 33 views. It is such a non-picture - you don't even see his face! 

Non Stop A Go Go

The fun never stops.  I am just a little exhausted from the non-stop activities, starting Friday when I went to California. You can just imagine how we went out every night when I was over there. I don't even remember if I was able to get enough sleep when I was there, but I am pretty sure I wasn't getting eight hours. And I didn't mind, of course. Last night, after I got home, we went out again, this time to take our old neighbor Vina out to dinner. She attended a conference here all the way from Auckland, New Zealand. I haven't seen her for years, and she was my sister's BFF growing up. I got home at around 1 a.m. exhausted. Now this evening, my nieces arrived from Oklahoma, and again we took them out to dinner. And again, still tire, and I don't know if I will be able to sleep early tonight. I need to be totally relaxed to be able to sleep, and as you all very well know, they don't arrive nearly too soon for me. But whatever, I can deal. It is nice to have my nieces here - I havent seen them in probably eight years or so, and they have really grown. One is already in college (and wants to be a doctor!) while the other one is a Sophomore in High School. Time flies, indeed. 

"An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere, while a pessimist sees only the red stoplight... The truly wise person is color- blind."

- Albert Schweitzer

The Smell Of Love

One of the top things I miss about NYC is Aedes , since it was kind of my "place" over there, where everyone there knows me, where I always feel welcome, I always feel at ease. So when I was in Los Angeles over the weekend, I wanted to check out the scent place over there which is "Scent Bar." (I think the company is also called Lucky Scent) As soon as I steped in, i felt right at home. All my favorites were available there: Serge Lutens, L'Artisan Perfumerie, Diptyque, Penhaligon, Carthusia, just to randomly name some houses. I wanted to try the new Limited Edition harvest of Iris Pallida, and it was love at first smell (I will write more about the scent later)  It was a chance also for me to try out some of the newer releases, like Archive 69 from Etat Libre D'Orange (solid but kind of linear) and I also know they stock "White Gardenia Petals" by Illuminium, which was what Kate Middleton was wearing during that wedding (utterly boring). Steve, the manager, and I instantly clicked, of course, since we have a mutual love of scents. I can see myself hanging out there for hours and hours, and I knew I would start crying like a baby if I hadn't gotten the Iris Pallida. Jeff got some goodies, too, like Ambre Sultan and Like This, and Mike got Pipo 06130's Youzu Rouge for his birthday . So they made out like bandits with us. For me, it was just such a perfect time, and I even got invited to a book reading later on in the evening. Since Mike had to pick up his purchase later, we did go back and I met "the" Kate Puckrik of KPS. It was an honor for me to meet her, since i have been following her videos on YouTube for a while now. 

And guess what: she was wearing the same dress from her Le Mimosa video!

"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart."

- Anon

Regular Now

I am back, from my visit to Los Angeles, and I had a very good time, and I am also kind of missing everyone right now. I am back to "regular life" right now, and I am also welcoming the quiet of it. I don't know if I would be able to keep up with the busy schedule we had if I had to live like that everyday. Yes, I know, a sign of getting old, but I have accepted that by now, and am fine with it. And work was very kind to me, they told me to just rest up today and not bother coming in, because they know I would be a little exhausted from the weekend. So I spent a big part of this afternoon catching up on sleep. Obviously, I have not been getting as much as sleep as I want past couple of night, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It was great to get away, to feel the hustle and bustle and energy of a city. It was great to go out, as I never do anymore. But for me, it feels like a snapshot of a life I only now visit, a different kind fo me. I do miss the friends, and wish they were nearer. Things are never perfect, they are never how we exactly want them, but I always find the bright spots. 

"If we live out of our memory, we're tied to the past and to that which is finite. When we live out of our imagination, we're tied to that which is infinite."

- Stephen R. Covey

Shots In Los Angeles

Happy Birthday Pipo!

from April 2011

Cool Cool Jetting Cool

I just checked the weather in Los Angeles and it looks like it will be...cool?  Reports say that there will be a low of 56, and a high of...70. But isn't Los Angeles sunny? So, will this be a nice and springy 70 degrees, or a cold and dampy 70 degrees? I really do plan on just packing a small bag - it's just a weekend after all - and here's hoping I packed smartly. Better be safe than sick, as they say. I am hoping that since it is Southern California, it will be Sunny Seventies. I was talking to Pipo and  he tells me that his sister Twinkle is also in town so that means this will be an extra bonus for his birthday reunion. It would be really cool if she would join us for his birthday dinner at Fig & Olive tomorrow night, and there is a good chance that she will. Here's hoping....

If you look hard enough,
or from another person's vantage point,
you might discover the extraordinary
in your seemingly ordinary life.
~ Mark Mossa

Hours

I was intrigued about "The Hour Between" because this book was recommended by NPR a while back, and was written by Sebastian Stuart, who is the partner of Stephen Mcauley, one of my favorite writers. Surely, I thought, some of the brilliance may rub off on him.  And this is the kind of book I like: coming-of-age character studies where perhaps nothing much happens, but in the end because of the experience, characters are changed because of how his life is touched by the people he meets, the friends he makes, the life experiences he leads. Set in a Connecticut Boarding School in 1967 (the year I was born) the locale and time frame may not be very close to me, but I could still relate. I had some major problem with the character development, though. Arthur, the narrator, was kicked out of regular school, but we discern that his character is shy, and not really much of a risk taker. So, what gives? The best friend he meets, Katherine Felt, is the daughter of a famous movie star, and you can tell that the author (and the main character) is on love with her: she is vividly portrayed. This was a quick read, and I marginally recommend it, but not to everyone. The quirk of the characters can either be endearing  or annoying. In the beginning, I fell somewhere in the middle, but I found myself missing the characters when I was finishing the book, and after, the book made me think about my life, and the friendships I carried with me. 


(P.S. Isn't the cover beautiful?)

BC/19

Now I Know

I have never ordered anything from Etsy before, and I don't know why. But I was browsing on a weak moment and saw a Kindle case for cheap, dirt cheap, and told myself why the hell not? It was cute, and I could use it for my LA trip this coming Friday. So I went ahead and pushed "buy," and thought nothing more of it. A week passes, and thought maybe the thing is on the way. I haven't heard from them otherwise. Smooth sailing, right? I thought so....until the seller emailed me today, ditzily asking "Hi... I just realized that I never asked you what you wanted to order, and I want to start sewing it..." Then I realized, oh, this is kinda very cottage-industry, which I actually don't mind, but now I know the ways of buying from Etsy. And there's a kind of cute homedown wonder to it all, but I also realize now that I won't be able to use the thing for my trip. Oh well. Speaking of the trip, I am looking forward to it more and more. It is my first trip away since my life-changing move, and I am due for one. There are things I want to do, but I know we will all be busy that I won't be able to fit everything I have in mind. But I will enjoy the moments that we will be creating. 

"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found."

-Sufi Proverb